My own grandmother before her death, regarding some Nigerian refugees in her ward - "They was the blackest niggers I'd ever seen!"
A 70+ old lady after I gave her a snack - "I'm not pregnant!"
A little old man who realized his fly was unzipped - "Oh no! What if that monster had gotten out?!? BOTH INCHES of him?!?"
Old man as another CNA was getting him ready for bed - "What do you want to do now? Lay down and make love?"
Cute 103 year old lady - "You're far too pretty to be wasting your time here, you belong in Hollywood!"
Little Blind Lady - "You better look out... I saw something in this building... It had the head of a chicken... and giant mammoth tusks that came out in all sorts of shapes... And in its beak, it had a bunch of straw. That's not the sort of thing you want hanging around here, so you better watch out. Cuz one day you'll see it too!"
Little Old Man - "How old are you?.... And are you married?.... Are you pregnant yet?... Well.... its cuz you gotta start taking him serious when he pokes fun at you! That's how you get pregnant. You're just not taking him serious!"
Little Lady when I entered her room particularly quietly - "I'll start calling you Pussyfeet! You remind me of our school principal in Ohio back in 1939! You never heard him sneaking up behind you. We called him Pussyfeet!"
A man close to dying told his wife that he was going to make 450 cookies and that she could frost them. Because then they'd have them ready for the Cub Scouts!
AH..... soo many more funnies... But alas... its dinner time. I may just do posts like this periodically. Because they are just so darn entertaining!